( crowing )
( snoring )
( SpongeBob and Patrick jabbering )
Huh? ( jabbering stops )
( jabbering resumes )
Huh?!
( blows noisemaker )
Surprise! Surprise!
Happy birthday, Squidward!
♪ Happy, happy birthday! ♪
♪ Happy birthday cake! ♪
♪ Happy, happy birthday! ♪
♪ Pin the tail on the sea horse! ♪
♪ Happy, happy birthday! ♪
♪ Happy birthday, Squidward! ♪
( SpongeBob cheering, noisemakers blaring )
SPONGEBOB: So long, Squidward, bye-bye.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
PATRICK: Another year older.
It's not my birthday!
( door slams )
That's it!
l'm moving out of this neighborhood.
REALTOR: Absolutely, Mr. Tentacles.
I can sell your home in a heartbeat.
Oh, that's great news
because I want to move as soon as possible.
No problem... as long as it's not infested with nematodes
or surrounded by troublesome neighbors
or something like that.
Oh, sure, there's none of that.
Did you say neighbors?
Of course! I can't tell you
how many times I've seen a sale fall through
because of bad neighbors.
Neighbors, uh...
Anyway, I'll be by tomorrow to check out the house.
See you then.
SpongeBob.
No one will ever buy my house with him living next door.
Whatever a good neighbor would do, he does the opposite.
Opposite... opposite.
( rooster crowing )
( loud, noisy music playing ) ( yells )
( banging and whistling )
Uh, Squidward...
why are you playing a drum?
Drum?
What drum?
This is just my wig case, see?
( cackles )
Come on, SpongeBob, tackle me!
Squidward, you need bed rest.
I'll keep you safe
until you're well again.
Oh, I get it.
You don't know what day it is, do you?
Uh, Wednesday?
Why, it's Opposite Day.
You mean, you've never heard of it?
Boy, have you been missing out.
Opposite day is the one day of the year
when you get to act different.
Normally I'm stuffy and boring,
but today I'm silly and spontaneous.
( giggles )
Does everybody know about Opposite Day?
Oh, sure.
It's a game, get it?
Oh, a game.
Yeah.
Normally, you're really loud and annoying,
so what are you going to be today?
Quiet and out of the way.
Yay!
Yeah.
Why don't you get a jump on it?
( exuberantly ): I love...
( gruffly ): I mean, I hate Opposite Day.
( giggles )
( yelling ): I'm not running!
( door slams )
So long, chum.
And good-bye, Bikini Bottom.
( door slams )
Gary, it's Opposite Day, and I'm...
walk, don't run...
and I'm going to...
Opposite, opposite.
I'm just going to crawl into bed and do nothing all day.
( sighs )
Too bad it only comes once a year, huh, Gary?
( meows )
Gary, where's your holiday spirit?
( barks )
( doorbell rings )
Company!
I hate company.
Who's there?
It's Patrick.
Patrick. Go away!
I never want to see you again!
( giggles )
( whimpers )
( wailing )
SpongeBob doesn't like me anymore!
That's right.
You're my worst enemy.
( bawling )
Patrick, you're not really not my friend.
It's just Opposite Day.
Opposite Day?
Hey, I've heard of that.
You have?
No! What is it?
Well, whatever you normally do,
today you do the opposite.
Let me try, let me try.
( straining )
( still straining )
Patrick!
Patrick, breathe!
( exhales loudly )
( gasping for air )
Not that opposite.
Let me show you how to do it... the wrong way.
Meow.
( speaking backwards )
( laughing )
Say, want to help me
do some work around the house, worst enemy?
Nope.
( laughing )
( Squidward cackles )
Nearly noon and not a peep from SpongeBob.
( satisfied laugh )
I'm almost sorry I'm leaving.
( cackles )
Opposite Day.
( crashing )
SpongeBob, what are you...?
( yells )
Hello, Squidward.
Oop, I mean, good-bye, Squidward.
Ah, isn't Opposite Day... terrible?
( laughs )
( groaning )
I'll tell you what's terrible: living next to you!
You're the worst neighbor in history!
Wow! That's the nicest thing Squidward has ever said to me.
If the real estate agent sees that mess,
I'll never sell this house.
PATRICK: Isn't it beautiful?
On Opposite Day it is.
( rumbling )
Out of the way, SpongeBob!
( hammer pounding )
I don't get it.
l made my house a mess, which was making it clean,
which made Squidward clean my yard,
but that really means he's messing it up.
But the opposite of clean is filth,
which means filth is clean.
That means Squidward's really making my yard a wreck,
but I'd normally wreck my own yard, which means
Squidward being the opposite of Squidward, ( meows )
which means he's SpongeBob.
Aha! I understand everything now.
l must be the opposite of SpongeBob by being...
( in Squidward's voice ): ... Squidward.
Hey...
I want to be opposite, too.
( snaps fingers )
Yeah, finally!
Yoo-hoo!
♪ I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward ♪
♪ Squidward, Squidward, Squidward. ♪
SPONGEBOB: Wait.
It's not enough to look like
Squidward to be opposite.
( in Squidward's voice ): You have to act like him, too.
Boy, oh, boy, do I like playing the clarinet.
I practice and practice all day long,
but I never get any better.
( in SpongeBob's voice ): Now you try.
Okay. ( inhales )
♪ I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward. ♪
BOTH: ♪ I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward ♪
♪ I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward. ♪
After you, Mr. Squidward.
Why, thank you, Mr. Squidward.
You're quite welcome, Mr. Squidward.
Oh, Opposite Day.
Next time it's going to be Go Jump Off A Cliff Day.
( tires squeal )
Oh, my.
The house is even more beautiful in person.
Hello, Mist...
uh, Mr. Tentacles?
( in Squidward's voice ): Yes, please come in.
It's funny. I pictured you being much taller.
Yeah, everyone says that.
Now, if you want the sale to go through,
you've got to tell me
all the positive things about your house.
( in SpongeBob's voice ): Positive things... Opposite Day.
( in Squidward's voice ): l'd love to.
The floor creaks, the roof leaks.
There's a terrible draft.
Uh... well, you didn't mention that on the phone.
Please, let me finish.
The winters are harsh.
The summers are brutal.
There's a wild man-eating clam in the backyard.
Now, would you care
to see the rest of my home?
Well, I-I'm not sure
if I'm interested.
Nonsense.
I won't take no for an answer.
( honking laughter )
Please follow me.
And here's the worst room in the house: my gallery.
Oh, my, this painting is very nice.
Thank you. ( screams )
Who's that?
I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Squidward.
You're both Squidward?
I'm Squidward.
He's Squidward.
BOTH: We're both Squidward.
Ah, well, that's done.
At least SpongeBob has been quiet.
( screams ): No!
( playing squeakily )
Okay, I really don't want to hear another one.
Okay.
( tooting )
I really don't want to hear more, thank you.
I hear you loud and clear.
( tooting )
SQUIDWARD: Stop!
Get away from her!
Oh, oh, I am so sorry, ma'am.
l-I hope these two barnacle-heads
haven't harmed you in any way.
Who are you?
Why, I'm Squidward.
What kind of fool do you take me for?
He's Squidward? He's Squidward?
You're Squidward?
I'm Squidward!
Are there any other Squidwards I should know about?
( in Squidward's voice ): Meow.
I'm out of here.
Ma'am, please.
What about my house?
I wouldn't sell a house for you
if you were the last Squidward on earth!
Wait!
Don't...
go!
( screams )
No, no, no! ( grunting )
Please sell my house.
Never!
Don't leave me here!
( crying )
BOTH: Happy Opposite Day, Squidward.
We hate you.
( low rumbling )
( bell dings )
Let me show you guys how much I hate you.
( engine revs )
( yelling )
Patrick, you ever feel
that Squidward likes us too much?
Happy Opposite Day!